Lorri M. Review: Who By Fire

Who By Fire, by Diana Spechler, is a moving novel about a dysfunctional family, a secular Jewish family, a family trying to recover from the loss of Alena, the youngest child, who was kidnapped when she was six years old. They have not been able to move forward.

The Kellermans are still in a state of limbo, thirteen years after Alena’s kidnapping. Their alternating stories are told in the first person narratives, and this works efficiently and nicely within the novel’s structure. The family is trying to deal with their impaired emotions. Bits (Beatrice) is the oldest daughter, while Ash/Asher is the son (middle child), and Ellie is their mother. Their lives still revolve around the loss of Alena, and Who By Fire demonstrates how each family member tries to find a connection to fill the void. Their resulting actions are fanatical, and often feel as if they are swimming against the current of life in the family tapestry. Their despair is a prevalent force behind their decisions, decisions that are not always good choices.

Bits exhibits damaging behavior with her promiscuity, sleeping with total strangers. She is aware of her behavior, and doesn’t seem to want or be able to control it. She is cognizant that her relationships are fleeting. Being the older sister, she also feels a responsibility to try to salvage and rescue her brother from the grips of a yeshiva in Israel, so he can return home and attend a funeral for Alena, whose remains have been discovered. How she manages to travel to Israel is another issue, and the dynamics and justification behind it are somewhat comical, yet not morally sound. She is self-absorbed and she is on the verge of emotional ruination, due to the guilt she feels.

Ash/Asher has decided to alienate himself from Bits and his mother, by fleeing (literally) to Israel, in order to try to escape the blame he feels for Alena’s kidnapping. He is seeking forgiveness within Orthodox Judaism, and tries to find release within a yeshiva compound, and within the walls of Jerusalem. He meets a quirky young woman, who seems to have a desire for him. His concentration is often diminished, and his mind wanders regarding women and sexuality. His obsessive religious behavior creates more friction and turmoil in his life, and most of it is unexpected and self-inflicted. His feelings of self-absorption and guilt are ever present, looming ominously and constantly surrounding him.

Ellie, the mother is a character in herself, and one in which Spechler doesn’t delve as deeply into as she does with Bits and Ash. She has become the paranoid mother, always wanting to know where her adult children are, and wanting them close by. She will do anything to protect her children. She meets up with a man who she hires to find Ash and bring him back home, because of her thoughts on yeshiva life, and how she feels it is a cultist environment. She immediately seeks comfort from the man, to replace the years she has spent isolated and alone.

Judaism and affiliation is a strong theme, and we see how a secular family reacts to one member becoming a Ba’al Teshuva (BT). Bits and Ellie are judgmental in their negative response to Ash’s lifestyle. Ash is just as judgmental regarding his sister and mother, and judgmental regarding other Jewish sects. He seemingly thrives in his new and rigid environment, and can’t see beyond the borders. We are given snippets of the yeshiva life, the mores, rules and regulations of the Orthodox culture.

Who By Fire is a book with an excellent focus on familial dysfunction, love and loss, and manipulation. It brings to the forefront the lack of honesty each character has within the family unit…each one lying to the other for their own gratification, and each one acting deceitfully as a means to an end. They often delude themselves into thinking they are doing it to protect the other family members. The result isn’t always what they expect it to be. Bits seemingly is trying to rescue Ash, but is she really trying to rescue herself from her self-hate and guilt? Ash is trying to rescue and forgive himself through redemption from guilt, by escaping to the yeshiva, is it effective? Ellie is trying to rescue her children through her manipulations, does she lose herself in the process? From Boston to Israel, and back, the characters are in a state of continual flux, fanatically and unknowingly trying to seek their own identity, their own sense of self, their own resolution to their family history.

Spechler brings us a story of dysfunction and deliverance. She has weaved a story with more than one narrator, multiple characters and a story filled with multi-layers, each layer of the tapestry important to the whole. Bits, Ash/Asher and Ellie are controlled by the past, and time has stood still. In their quest to save each other from their bondage to the past, they have strained their familial relationships even further, through their lack of communication.

For a first book, I found Who By Fire to be extremely well-written, with amazingly vivid-word images, that hold the reader’s interest. The issues of family dynamics that Spechler delves into are not unique or new ones, but ones that are found in most families, although the Kellermans are an extreme example, due to the kidnapping. Diana Spechler’s use of narration is what held my interest, and I found the alternation of the characters to be extremely effective. She gives the reader much to ponder, within the pages. Who By Fire is a book I highly recommend, not only to the Jewish community (no matter the affiliation), but also to any person who is interested in the subject of family dynamics, and the threads that bind their familial tapestries together.

April 24, 2013 – 14 Iyyar, 5773

Lorri M. Book Review: Doublelife: One Family Two Faiths and a Journey of Hope

Doublelife: One Family Two Faiths and a Journey of Hope, by Harold Berman and Gayle Redlingshafer Berman, is a book that is inspiring and paints a vivid portrait of the religious journeys the authors took within their interfaith marriage.

From the moment they met, Harold and Gayle knew they were meant for each other despite their different religious outlooks. Harold was a secular Jew, Gayle was Christian. They did not let that deter them in their relationship. Once they decided to marry, their plans included a ceremony that would include aspects of both religions.

Their story is told through letters written to each other, letters that include the year leading up to their marriage. The letters written in that first year are filled with questions, hesitations, apprehensions regarding religion and religious life, and emotions that ebb and flow. Their letters are infused with their thoughts, blending logic and emotion, yet, always trying to come to a resolution that is shared.

For Gayle, Christmas was a big issue. For Harold it meant nothing in the realm of religion or Christmas trees. For Gayle, whose music career was important, church attendance was primary in her life. For Harold, renewing his Judaism and attending a synagogue was becoming a primary factor.

They had both decided that they would attend a local synagogue. Gayle did not want Harold to feel excluded from Judaism, and also wanted to learn more about the service and celebrations. From there, Jewish ideals took root in Harold, and the reader can see him change from one written correspondence to the next. He was beginning to ask questions, ponder issues, and he became involved in Jewish practice from baby steps to large strides. The building blocks were in force, and each step cemented his beliefs and caused him to seek more knowledge. He set a religious foundation for himself. Gayle followed along.

And, with that act of following, we see her grow and come into her own regarding Judaism. She fasts on the first Yom KIppur that they share. A small step for some, a large step for her. She becomes knowledgeable on various Jewish holidays, and the more she learns the more she wants to educate herself. She slowly evolves, and at one point even questions how she can be involved in a church music program when her Christianity beliefs are beginning to fade.

In the beginning of their marriage, they did not want children. That eventually changed, and it was Harold who initiated that change. Once they decided to have a child, they knew that an interfaith religious background would not suit them. Gayle was receptive and supportive of that concept.

I enjoyed Gayle’s transition over the years. And, more so, once she and Harold adopted their first child. They had decided that their son would be raised Jewish. They both felt that one religion should be a dominating factor, and that two religions might be confusing to him. From that moment on, the change in Gayle was dramatic. Her searches lead her to question more. They also bring her discomfort with herself, as she flounders within a religious realm, not realizing who she is or what she is.

Harold also transitions, and we see him evolve as, not only a person, but also as a man of religious depth. Orthodox Judaism becomes his choice, and within that choice, discussed with Gayle, their child will be raised as such.

Doublelife is a story that shows the determination of two people to accept each other’s religious backgrounds, and work towards an understanding that will blend their views together. And, through that acceptance, they remained in constant communication with each other regarding their fears. Communication was the cement that bound them together.

There is so much to glean from reading Doublelife: One Family Two Faiths and a Journey of Hope. It is a story whose journey has religious depth and meaning, and has multitudes of questioning on Judaism. The reader can learn a lot from this family, who began their married life as an interfaith couple. The trials of keeping a Jewish home, especially for Gayle, shows the religious force depicted in great detail. Her spiritual outlook became defined in ways she could not have imagined. The story unfolded, and this reader was swept away by the frankness, and the sense of love that sparked two individuals to change, not only for themselves, but for each other and those around them.

I highly recommend Doublelife: One Family Two Faiths and a Journey of Hope. There are lessons within the pages that everyone can find meaning in. It is not simply a story regarding Judaism. There are many more aspects to it that will appeal to everyone. From acceptance and understanding to hope and inspiration, the messages are ones we can all learn from and appreciate.

Mazal Tov to Harold Berman and Gayle Redlingshafer Berman for bringing their story to the forefront.

Lorri M. Book Review: And You Shall Tell Your Children

And You Shall Tell Your Children: A Chronicle of Survival, by Dr. Ida Akerman-Tieder, is an inspirational book that sets the tone for living life positively.

As a psychoanalyst, Akerman-Tieder depicts the events in her life, especially those that took place during the Holocaust when her parents were murdered, with an attitude of hope for the future.

And You Shall Tell Your Children is filled with vivid word-imagery, paintings so strong that the reader’s senses are wrapped within them. Akerman-Tieder’s vivid thoughts and lessons on how to live life to its fullest is demonstrated by her own examples, both familial and personal.

Judaism played a major role in her family life as she was growing up. Traditions, holidays, celebrations, prayer, and everything that encompasses a strong Jewish life was of the utmost importance within the family unit.

I found the psychological aspects of the book to be very revealing. Guilt was often a predominant issue, especially when her parents were murdered. Her relationship with her father was a strong one. His opinions mattered and he reinforced the importance of Jewish education as being a tool for inner strength and avenues of escape from antisemitism and the injustices of persecution.

And You Shall Tell Your Children: A Chronicle of Survival is an incredible book on many levels. It is a compelling psychological study of human behavior at its worst. It is a study of behavior at its best and most positive, resulting from horrific wounds inflicted upon one family. The fact that she is able to relate her experiences with such a positive force is a testament to her family and how they raised her. It is a testament to her own undeniable, genuine attitude, an attitude that has inspired and helped others to overcome their fears and be able to move forward.

The lessons she evokes within the pages is powerful and offers guidance to others. I enjoyed reading some of Akerman-Tieder’s poetry throughout the book. It is forceful and filled with positivity.

And You Shall Tell Your Children: A Chronicle of Survival, by Dr. Ida Akerman-Tieder is a book I highly recommend.

March 21, 2013 – 10 Nisan, 5773

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Lorri M. Book Review: The Conversation-A Novel

Joshua Golding’s novel, The Conversation, is a book I found enjoyable to read. From the first page to the last page, the Jewish philosophical aspects held my interest on many levels.

David Goldstein is the protagonist who is from a secular family. He is a college student, and during his freshman year studies philosophy. This subject is the match that lit the flame for David, and therein begins his delving into religion, particularly Judaism. He is more or less an agnostic, and is seeking concrete answers regarding G-d.

David finds himself constantly questioning the foundation of his Jewish roots. He has rebelled due to a painful childhood, and more or less lost his belief in Judaism’s doctrines and principles. That changed when he visited the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. It had a deep and profound affect on him, evoking emotional responses to what he had seen. He begins conversing with the college Rabbi regarding his feelings and thoughts on what he has seen. The Rabbi offers suggestions, and is sensitive to David’s questions.

David speaks to his friends concerning his perceptions. His friends’ beliefs are varied. There is Simon who believes in pleasure-seeking, and during conversations with David, tries to direct him away from Judaism, or any spiritual higher power. David also has a friend named Ravi. Ravi believes in mystical forces, and is avid in his beliefs in the powers of meditation. George, on the other hand, believes that belief in Jesus, as the savior, is the answer to everything, and that David need look no further.

Aside from his male friends, he was in a relationship with a girl named Helen, and soon breaks off with her. His fascination with Judaism, and its theories, dogma and doctrines overtook his attention to her and he neglected her. He eventually meets a student named Esther Applefield, who is from an extremely Orthodox family. He is attracted to her in ways that are not permissible within her religious beliefs. She makes it clear regarding the boundaries. Yet, he continues to pay attention to her. She inspires him to educate himself more on Jewish life. He seeks to learn more through her, through others. He was is not vain, but becomes self-absorbed (almost excessively) in his searching for answers.

He is constantly conversing with Rabbis, Professors, friends, lecturers, etc., through face-to-face contact, emails, telephone calls, letters, in order to gain more insight and clarity regarding G-d’s existence, and regarding Judaism’s role in the religious spectrum. Often, these individuals are in the midst of some work-related function, yet David’s strong verbalization on his need to know, causes him to get his immediate urge fulfilled.

In my opinion, Judaism itself, although not being an actual physical individual, could be defined as the protagonist, and David (and his friends) could be defined as the antagonists.

But, for the reader to have an actual person, in a physical sense, I will leave it as David being the protagonist. David is dynamic and not static throughout most of the book, and I see that is due to his self-seeking interactions. We see him mature from an immature college freshman to a more mature senior. He attains a state of individualization, as far as his thought processes, religious concepts and cognizance, and emotions. We see his emotional growth as well as his religious growth, and he does exhibit continual change. Yet, within all of his immediacy, his questioning, his seeking answers, his constant reflections and searching for concrete proof of the existence of G-d, we also see, towards the end of the book, a slightness of his being static, within his quests. He does revert to some old behavior, and doesn’t appear as dynamic or mature as I had thought.

I won’t delve into the reasons for his behavior. You will have to read the book to find out.

Jewishness is at the very heart of the book, and it is the reason for everything that Golding brilliantly inserts into the pages. He is masterful with his questions that involve every spectrum of Judaism, and with the answers that broaden those questions into varied considerations to reflect and contemplate. The range of subjects discussed contributes to the fact that <a href="Jewishness is at the very heart of the book, and it is the reason for everything that Golding brilliantly inserts into the pages. “>The Conversation is a compelling read.

The Conversation is a novel that is filled with philosophical thought concerning religion. Questioning is predominant through conversation. Dialogues range from David-to student, David-to academic individuals, David-to Rabbis. The conversing covers mysticism, logic, faith-based belief and denial of one’s self within the religious realm. The book encompasses an academic/intelligent or scholastic framework for Jewish thought and practice. Ideals are blended, the new thoughts with the opinions of the older Rabbis (sages and masters) and their ideals, and teachings. The foundation is set for David’s continual interrogations and communications, and reassessment of religious values.

The Conversation explores comparisons between religion and science, logic and faith, in depth. For some individuals, there is incompatibility between religion and science, and/or logic and faith. For others those dimensions can coexist in accord with each other.

I found The Conversation to be a metaphor for Judaism, for its philosophies, foundation, principles, and the all-encompassing educational and Jewish life aspects of Torah and Talmud. It is an intellectual book dealing with Jewish philosophy. I was impressed with Joshua Golding’s writing, and thought he was brilliant in infusing the pages with back and forth dialogue and conversation. There is much to ponder in the novel. He has written a masterpiece, in my opinion.

I highly recommend The Conversation to everyone.

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February 25, 2013 – 15 Adar I, 5773

Rituals

Rituals are an important aspect of Jewish life. As Jews, we can perform rituals at home, like praying, giving Tzedakah, keeping ourselves (washing our hands upon rising from sleep, is one example) and keeping our house in proper order. There are also rituals that are weekly ones, such as Shabbat, which can be held at home and also in the synagogue.

Marriage offers its own rituals, as does child birth, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, rituals for the deceased, and the rituals of mourning.

The rituals that are performed on a yearly basis, such as the High Holy Days, Festival of Purim, Passover, Tisha B’Av, Chanukah, etc., bind us together as a community, and intensifies our connectedness with each other, and with G-d.

Jews, as a community, are concerned about the environment, and hold in awe and wonderment nature’s illuminations.

Compassion and concern are vital elements within the customs the Jewish community fulfills and carries out, no matter the circumstance.

Think of the rituals in your own daily lives, weekly lives and yearly lives, customs that are held and performed. Get creative, if possible, in holding tradition within the walls of your home. Let illumination shine within.

Shabbat Shalom!

December 28, 2012 – 15 Tevet, 5773

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Book Review – Unorthodox

Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots, by Deborah Feldman, is an interesting study on the Satmar Hasidic community, and its all-encompassing grasp on those within its foundation.

Feldman writes from her heart, that is clear, but also writes from a childhood perspective, in my opinion. Much of the book is written about her childhood, and the reader doesn’t really see much insight from that point of view. What we do see is a child who rebels against her religion and its standards and adherences.

She constantly equates varied commands and foundations with religious hypocrisy, and is constantly questioning the edicts forced on the followers within the Satmar world. What we see is a restrictive environment, one filled with darkness, whereas other Hasidic sects are more apt to be filled with a richer and more happy foundation.

The reader also sees a child who disagrees with much of the repressive demands of the Satmar community. When she marries at the age of 17, she brings much of her innocence and childhood thoughts and feelings with her, which encompass the pages. We read of her disillusionment and her unsatisfying life with the Satmar environment. We are told of her feelings of repression and dissatisfaction. Marriage was an end result for the women, and a means to an end, so to speak.

Marriage did not offer her any freedom, according to her, and it only fostered her feelings of forced subjection. She felt confined, unable to make her own choices and decisions. The males of her world were the ones in control, the ones who were the dominant force. The ultra strict laws and restrictions were enforced by them.

There are some disturbing aspects within the pages, including the murder of a son by his father. Accordingly, it appears from Feldman’s writing, that it was kept secret and the father did not get arrested for his actions. Whether this is true, or an exaggerated incident, or whether it is not entirely clear from the eyes of a child, the reader is not sure.

There is little content written from a mature perspective. How could there be, as Feldman was a child trapped in a woman’s body as she went through her teenage years. She had no knowledge of what expected of her, or what was outside her confined and restrained world until she gained employment teaching. This is what caused her to see outside the boundaries of her Satmar life.

There is little written which describes how Feldman actually left her husband, and how she seemingly gained custody of her young son (the reader doesn’t know for sure that she has legal custody). The “scandalous” factor, in the title, leaves me unfulfilled. The reader, in my opinion, does not read of scandal, of how her actions affected those around her, or of how the Satmar community reacted to her leaving. We are more or less told it was scandalous, but there are no details to support that in the memoir. There is nothing written in depth about her moving away, nothing supportive with concrete facts. We are given a brief glimpse of her leaving, a few pages detailing her move from the communal hold. It is almost as if Feldman was coming to the end of her story, and didn’t know how to finish it, so she filled in a few pages to complete the memoir.

Feldman depicts a world of repressed women, a world where the outside society clashes with the Satmar community in every aspect. She demonstrates, from her young perspective, the harshness and strictness of daily life. It is an eye-opener in that respect. The cultural implications are strong. Readers of every religion can gain some insight into the cultural dimensions of the Satmar community. In fact, readers of any religion, or nonreligious individuals will learn of the practices and ideals of the Satmar world. And, they might even compare it to their own world, and not only see the differences, but also a similarity or two.

Overall, I think Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots, by Deborah Feldman will appeal to young Hasidic women, and feel that they might be able to relate to, and identify with, some of Deborah Feldman’s issues and life experiences in today’s modern world.

November 23, 2012 – 9 Kislev, 5773

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